It takes at least a year to process a diagnosis like this.
That is what the psychologist who diagnosed me told me
For me it was pretty much exactly a year.
A year of reading, researching, drawing, writing, thinking, reflecting, crying…lots of crying. Big messy soul wrenching fits of tears. Anger. Frustration. As well as joy. Relief. A sense of peace. Self-understanding. Recognition. Belonging.
There is so much to mourn, to rage against, to process through this new lens.
The older you are, the more trauma you have, the less time, energy or focus you can give this process, the longer it will take.
Remember…
It is not a race.
You have your whole life ahead of you. There will be many more aha moments ahead, when everything suddenly snaps into focus and you get something for the first time.
Know that it gets better.
All the facets of yourself are currently shape shifting.
Your very self might feel like a stranger. Be gentle with yourself. This will pass. And be gentle with those in your life too. The same is happening for them, but hopefully with less intensity.
These new ways of understanding ourselves take patience and love.
We will f*ck up many times along the way. We will hold ourselves too gently one day, requiring the world treat us with kid gloves, we will overdo it another and get frustrated.
Often you will question the diagnosis. Doubt it. Resent it. Even reject it. But you can never, will never unknow it. At times you will think it defines everything about you. It does not. You are still you. And those that care about you know you, beyond labels and diagnoses. They are learning you more deeply by heart. Let them. Trust them. Allow yourself to peel back the mask and be more fully yourself.
We are longing for the fullness of what you have to offer the world.
Take your time, love.
Written for my next book, provisionally titled Wired Weird: a neurodivergent woman’s guide to reweirding the world! Out June 2026. It’s for every woman who’s ever been called weird… or worried that she was. If you are neurodivergent and want to share your experience of reclaiming your weirdness – unmasking, finding belonging, claiming your uniqueness and owning your gifts, I’d love you to contribute. Sign up to the special mailing list and I’ll be in touch very soon
[fblike layout="button_count" action="like"]