Sick.
That’s how I feel right now.
Why?
Because people want to buy my paintings!
That’s nuts, right?
Totally flipping bonkers.
I should be cracking open the champagne.
But instead I feel like I’m upside down on a rollercoaster.
This is the nausea of risk-taking, of big dreams being set free.
This is the feeling of the ego rubbing shoulders with the elusive will-o-the-wisp who creates my work.
For some it stops them in the midst of their creative work. For others it stops them even making a start.
For me it happens when I am ready to birth.
The work of creation is done, the product that I have laboured over is there. And I feel sick.
What if they hate it? What if they laugh? What if it’s crap? What if they all see that I’m a total fraud.
Remember this from the book.
Yup, we’re here again.
This is transition. I remember it from birth. It’s the point where the adrenaline kicks out for a moment, your internal rhythms shift gears and you feel like you’re in free fall without a parachute – shit – how did I get here? What do I do now?
The conscious mind panics. The intuition and body knowing that have brought us thus far, on faith and fairy dust, cut out.
And then, just when you feel you can’t bear it any more, wooooooooooooosh, the urge to push. Like breaking through a screen, and into the movie itself.
The truth arrives.
As you give birth to your babies, you give birth to yourself.
Raw, vulnerable, beautiful, joyous, terrifying, magnificent, heart stopping, exhilarating.
THIS is creativity!
Now pass me a sick bowl!

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