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Accepting the Image of Myself

I have had a whole pile of really exciting teaching invites come in for 2015. Stuff so aligned to my soul it makes me deliriously happy. The first is Birthing Ourselves into Being, a transformational, yearlong virtual women’s circle – more of which another time.

The reason I am telling you this is that teaching requires headshots. Photos. Images of me.

The last time I needed new headshots was when we were building the new version of this website, I … ummmm… totally freaked out.

And it was my husband taking the pics.

Panic attack. Proper freak out.  All my body dysmorphic stuff was activated. I felt too fat, too grey, too unprimped to stand up to the glossy expectations of women’s website pictures. I am not your average woman who enjoys make up and shopping for clothes and hairdressers…all of them bring on feelings of deep anxiety.

In truth I have spent most of my life time trying to accept the image of myself…and then looking back at a later date and wondering what my problem was…and beating myself up a whole lot more.

I have had issues with appearance for as long as I can remember. Big issues. And photos doubly so. I hate being in photos with a passion and avoid it at all costs. I appear in very few. The selfie concept is totally alien to me.

It was what freaked me out about our wedding. First the expectations, the focus on my appearance. The need to polish myself. And then the photographs. There was no official photographer. No posed photos at all. In fact we didn’t have a single picture of us together on the day of our main festivities!

I never look in photos how I look…and feel…to myself. I am always a disappointment. An embarassment. And bad photos of me only magnify it all.

So it was with trepidation that we took some new headshot of me this weekend. I wanted up-to-date images. Ones which reflected who I am and what I look like now. Pictures which look like me, so that when you come across me online, you see me as I am. You see into my soul, and see if who I am and what I do resonates with you.

So when I updated my photo on Facebook with my new head shot, you have no idea what all those kind words meant. Because my soul was on view for all to see.

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  1. Erin
    Erin11-05-2014

    Holy gorgeous woman…
    you look so sincere, so warm, so inviting, so lovely..
    you look like you have the laugh that echoes, a deep belly laugh, hearty and sexy.

    I love seeing these images of you
    and I’m glad that you accepted stepping infront of the lens for them – to witness yourself, and also to hold account for the generations after you – to have these little treasured glimpses of the woman you are right now.

    • lucyhpearce
      lucyhpearce11-05-2014

      Oh. Wow. The generations after me. The woman I am right now. Wow.

      Beautiful and eloquent as always, Erin, thank you xx

  2. riga
    riga11-05-2014

    Ah yes! The feminine burden of beauty, I know it well but luckily its harm is wearing off these days!
    Anyway, you look like a dear soul Lucy, a dear SOUL!! And a beautiful one.

    Bless the wealth of beauty you bring x x x

    Riga.

    • lucyhpearce
      lucyhpearce11-05-2014

      Thank you Riga. Right back at you xx

  3. Paula M. Youmell, RN, MS, CHC
    Paula M. Youmell, RN, MS, CHC11-05-2014

    Awesome pictures Lucy, your essence shines through! I have the same camera lens freak outs and had to do a camera session recently for my website. I know how this feels!

    Cheers to you and great pics! Paula

    • lucyhpearce
      lucyhpearce11-05-2014

      Thanks, Paula, glad I’m not alone in this!

  4. Emily
    Emily11-10-2014

    Beautiful, and not just because you are my twin 😉 😉 I’m not a fan at all of appearing in photos, but try-try!- not hide, simply so that there is an “account” of me (thank you Erin!) for future generations. And frankly, my children love me as I am, whether I’m gonky, chubby, pocky…!!… And that’s all that really matters to me. Love to you and lots of light in the year ahead xx

    • lucyhpearce
      lucyhpearce11-17-2014

      Thanks lovexx

  5. Paula
    Paula11-13-2014

    Ms. Pearce, your new head shots are absolutely lovely! They portray a woman who any woman can relate to, and wishes to get to know… Of course, I just happened to get your book this week and am halfway through it (Moon Time), and realized right away that I seem to be set on the same course as you (kids similar ages – mine are 8, 5 and 22 months now -, wanting to connect to my cycle and fellow women, etc) so I already felt this way towards you, even before seeing any pictures :-)

    I, too, do NOT like to be in front of a camera lens (though I love to be behind it, taking the shots). I am not “photogenic”. The camera never shows me as I see myself, so it is always a disappointment for me. Your pictures are gorgeous and natural looking!

    Loving your book and already added the children’s one to my wish list to remind myself to get it for my daughters soon <3

    • lucyhpearce
      lucyhpearce11-17-2014

      Thank you so much!

  6. Laura Thompson Brady
    Laura Thompson Brady11-18-2014

    You are beautiful, Lucy. I can’t wait to see and talk to you in a couple of days. And thank you for your honest vulnerability here. We all need to be seen as we are so that we can simply remember that we belong to each other… And revere who we are and how we change as we grow over the years as women.

    I want to be a proud, wise old woman, unafraid to show myself to the world 50 years from now. And I can imagine that I’ll look back at the me I am now with total love and joyful memories. Don’t you think that the older version of you will look back and be so grateful to be able to gaze upon these beautiful photos you’ve said yes to today?

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