OK, sex it is so
Listen there’s something I’ve been holding back…
For a long time now…
And for good reason.
Mainly because my mother reads this blog. And, despite the rather obvious clue of three children, I like to maintain the parent-child illusion that sex is not had.
That and the fact that my father reads this. About once a year. Ditto.
Oh and my step mother too.
Oh and people I see at the supermarket. And the school gate. They read this too.
And my kids… over my shoulder
And the fact that I am aware that sex gets done WITH someone much of the time. And that someone might not want HIS sex life shared in public. Cos he reads it too. And our mutual friends.
So all of you… you can stop reading now… full permission…cos writing is going to be done on the topic… at last! I’ve been skirting round it for WAY too long… (except HERE, the one entitled, The Dog’s Vagina.that one was funny… and gets a LOT of dodgy Google hits !)
And then there’s the fact that writing about sex is not the done thing… specially when the word rocks up in your Google searches… and your face and name are now attached to your professional credibility… and can be quoted in newspapers in all sorts of ways to make you sound like a right weirdo…
You may have noticed, those of you who read The Rainbow Way, that I let OTHER brave women do most of the talking about sex. I just dropped the bombshell… and RAN!
Listen, if you and I have a face to face conversation, I give myself 3 mins, at the outside, to come onto the topic of sex, scuse the pun! I LOVE talking about sex… especially because it’s all taboo and shit… so it’s like double fun and naughty…. it gives me a twinkle in my eye and a glow in my cheeks… you want to see me ALIVE, just get me onto the topic of sex…. and then TRY to get me off it!
I talk a LOT about sex…and adore innuendo… BUT without being all TMI (that’s Too Much Information, peeps, let’s keep with the program here!) about my own intricacies and orgasmic experiences – I’m all for openness without overshare…
So it’s a little out of kilter with my life that this old blog steers quite well clear of the subject. Well it does in terms of being a true reflection of me….But I’ve explained my reasoning thus far…
But, if we’re going to break through to the next level, which is my commitment to you… and me… if I’m going to really fully integrate both sides of my work here at Dreaming Aloud… and really help you to find the magic… then there’s going to be a good smattering of sex around here, and so…. having exorcised my need to keep to my parent’s rules… which are really society’s rules… in the bedroom a whole three months ago, (gosh how grown up I am!) I’m now doing it here too.
My space. My rules. I get to talk sex. And you get to be a grown up about how you deal with the information. Shame me… and we’re over in terms of intimacy.
And I get to have you look me in the eyes in the supermarket, and you get to pretend to be all “I don’t have sex, ever…” whilst knowing my philosophies on the subject…. and I get to play the double guess game as to whether you read the yoni post… or we can cut the bullshit and talk like old friends on subjects close to our hearts, knowing that the ice has been broken…. and we can be real, together… which is rare enough in this world… in fact sometimes I think this blog might be my subconscious’ cunning way of breaking through small talk… which I hate… to help me get to the gold vein of deep connection on a mass scale. I like it! And my mum… well it’s up to her to make that call, she’s a grown up too you see! I’m done taking responsibility for second guessing what other grown ups may be thinking or feeling, or holding myself personally responsible for it.
Ahem… you have NO idea how big that last statement was! Far bigger than the fact that the word cunt may now be used round here with regularity!!
So I’ve come to an internal agreement, that I get to talk about my own musings on the matter… on any matter…whilst ensuring the privacy of Mr DA… just as I do with my family and friends in all matters on the old blogger.
I get to tell what’s inside me… BUT I don’t get to use writing to tell tales on others or tell stories which are not mine to tell. This is my sacred safety contract from me to my loved ones.
I get to be responsible for the information I share, and the motivation… and others get to be responsible for their own feelings. I think this is called being grown up!
Any ways, another layer of metaphorical clothes come off… another layer of vulnerable self exposed.
It’s like hanging a painting exhibition all over again… boobs and yonis ahoy!
But you see, it’s too integral to my work at this stage. It’s all fucking joined up – creativity, womb work, embodied power, spirituality, world changing… sex is right there front and centre, intermingled and juicy…
To avoid it is to sing the song that we’ve been singing far too long in our culture, the one that says sex is shameful, sex is separate, sex is PRIVATE, and if we try really hard to ignore it, sex doesn’t even exist. So we go around not talking about… not enjoying it… cutting ourselves off from it… and it out of our lives. And the colour leaches out of our lives… and the world is a hard, cold, dull grey… with strong doses of inappropriate pornographic content round every corner to further desensitise us… whilst real pleasure, embodied pleasure, in real bodies that look nothing like “acceptable” bodies are “supposed” to… is ignored, denied and avoided.
Just like your dreams to pain or write… your desires for soul-shaking pleasure from top to toe can be written down as “unrealistic”, “greedy”…. or not as important in the general scheme of things as being on time to work or paying the mortgage…
I call BULLSHIT.
Sex is everywhere, in the heart of nature, of creativity, we are made of sex, from sex… sex, creativity and spirituality are three long lost triplets, three threads plaited together… you cannot dive deep into one, without the other two.
This has been our culture’s modus operandi – to cut women off from their sexuality. From their economic rights. From their maternal instincts. From their creativity. From their innate spirituality and intuition.
No more. Not on my watch. This is where we get to rediscover them all. To make the connections within ourselves… and connect with others who are doing the same.
BOOM! Another taboo being blasted on Dreaming Aloud… sex it is so!