What a blast: view from the other side of my fears
I had my first art exhibition last night. (photos to come later!)
I still find it hard to believe.
Not even six months ago I was physically in terror of risking painting. Only in the past month have I gotten up the courage to start a sketchbook again.
Mr DA will have lost count of the amount of times in the past three months that I have definitively stated that I cannot, will not do this exhibition.
I really enjoyed the evening, which was hugely well attended. 3 paintings sold, a number of others are under consideration. A couple of copies of my book and buckets loads of cards (available from here).
I planned it, thanks to everything I have learnt over the past year writing Moon Time, according to my menstrual cycle ( ovulation) and the moon ( full) to ensure I had my own full energy resources behind me and enhanced and supported by the moon’s pull.
It was also Lunasadh – the time to reap the summers havest. And 2 days off seven years since I became a mother, 8 since I became a wife, that I let myself out of the bag to all who know me.
It felt like a very powerful initiation to see how far I have come in this past eight years. My own personal initiation into creative rainbow mama hood. Perhaps that is why I could not finish the book, which I realised last week when I spoke to Lynn Andrews needs to take the form and spiritual energy of an initiation.
I felt cradled in the love and support of all my friends and family cradling me. I was delighted that I was not on show for press and could just connect heart to heart.
There were two special conversations that stay with me. Both with people whom the Universe rather than I invited. The first was with a far out therapist and wild man who has been in my family’s life for a long time. He has eyes that penetrate your soul and make you feel as naive as a child, a growling deep voice like and earthquake. A beard which states he is a man of wild places and breath heavily perfumed with ganja. “these paintings come from a deep place” he said “I can really feel that and I honour that.” he said lots more which touched me deeply but I cannot recall words.
The other conversation was with a very strafe character. I often wonder if she is real, but others seem to see her. She is the closest to a mouthpiece/ archetypal counsellor from the Universe who has ever fallen into my life. Anyway our paths first crossed in February. This was our third meeting. “hazel told me she was going to Lucys exhibition, she said, and I thought it must be a different Lucy” – ( I’ve had this before when someone saw these posters up all over the place for lots of interesting sounding classes, in creative writing and drama and yoga and couldn’t believe when the same name -mine- was at the bottom. We met at the food writing course, the first copies of my book were about to arrive. I had not yet started to paint. Her jaw just kept on dropping when I told her that not only had I started painting just after we first met, but that I was also teaching blogging at the Cookery School, and was being paid to help Darina start her own blog. Her chin was nearly touching the floor by that point.
And so, dear readers, that is how I feel too, right now. Very proud of myself! I cannot begin to tell you the amount of major, major, major blocks I have blasted through to get to this point today.
Thank you, thank you to each and every one who has sat and listened to me do battle with them. I know how tedious I can be, how draining it can be to be immersed in the seemingly endless waves of anothers’ negativity. To everyone who has held me, comforted me, practically supported me. Thank you.
Now do this for yourselves. Break the walls of your own fears and I will be here as doula to your dreams, holding your hand, listening to your fears and cheering you on the other side as one who knows.