Preparing to Show Myself
So my exhibition is tomorrow.
And it feels like it is a literal exhibition of myself. Which many people think I am good at doing. But honestly though it all looks good on the night, the emotional toll it takes out of me is always disproportionate.
But there are always multiple ways to look at things it seems. So when people ask me – “are you feeling excited about your exhibition?”
My response is – oh, excitement is another valid emotional response to this experience – rather than my predominant sensations of shit scared, anxious and WTF-am-I-doing-what-was-so-bad-about-writing-boring-articles-about weaning-or-being-a-stay-at-home-mama-for-that-matter.
So I am doing a little mental reframing. Coz I realised that all these people who are giving up their Friday night to come and drink free bubbles. They could be going out to dinner, clubbing, having sex, waxing their bikini lines, watching Big Brother. But instead they are coming to see my paintings because:
a) they love (or at least like) me
b) they want to support me
c) they are curious as to what I’ve been up to and what my art might look like
d) they might, potentially consider buying something (this is my favourite option)
e) they like free drinks
But not the following points, which are what revolve round my head:
f) she can’t paint
g) they’re over priced
h) are those HER tits? ( I have already been asked if they are self portraits – yup, my breasts are so pert after 3 kids that they nearly touch my chin, and they have those swirly nipple things too, for real!)
i) next she’s going to be painting vaginas (umm, I have, they’re just hidden behind the filing cabinet!)
About 80 people invited. But NO posters up. No press releases. I already feel like I’m going to be riding through our local area butt naked. I cannot begin to tell you how exposed I feel. Most people round here paint cows. Or cliffs. Or normal shit. And write books about local history or something.
So you see, it’s a top-secret exhibition. I thought I’d just show off my tits to all my friends and family. And random pottery customers who stumble across them on the way to the loos.
I shall save the press releases for my minge show I think!!