The path to me

When I was twenty I knew what I wanted to do.
I knew what I wanted to be.
But I didn’t know how to get there.
Or quite exactly what “it” was.

I knew what I didn’t want.
I didn’t want a nine to five office job. Nor did I particularly want a boss.
I didn’t want to run the family business.
And I knew that the career’s guidance officer hadn’t got a flipping clue.
Wise woman wasn’t in her book of careers. Nor was freelance alternative writer specialising in creativity and natural birth. Nor were book medicine woman, women’s circle facilitator…

It was as though I could see myself up ahead. Shining and happy. Fulfilled. Living my life. The way I wanted to live it.
But I didn’t know how to get there.
I didn’t know how to get there when I hated how I looked. Was embarrassed by my dream. When there was no official job title or employer or training path.
I asked everyone – how do you get there, which is the best way.
And no one could tell me.
Because it was my path.
The path to me.
I had a dream in my heart.
A vision in my head.
Just like when I want to write something.
Or draw a picture.
The big works. The meaningful works. The defining works of my life.
It is like they are there. Waiting for me. Fully formed. Hanging in an invisible realm.
I can see them glinting in the light, lurking in the shadows. I can smell the colours. Sense the words.
But the step by step. The workmanship. The birthing. That’s up to me.
Up to experience. Trust. Faith. Skill. Time. Patience.
So it was with the bigger picture of my life.
My work.
And in this past week. These past few months the vision is clearing. The steps are being taken.
Steps building on previous steps, which built on previous steps – momentum is gathering.
The right steps.
The right path.
Vision, serendipity, commitment, hard work and patience are paying off.
It feels like the cogs of the Universe are shifting with me.
In the words of my beloved Nina Simone:
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me.
And I’m feeling good!

Sorry for the vagueness. I am slightly superstitious about these things. All will be revealed. In time…