I can’t be… can I?

So here we have it: the evidence:
My husband had a vasectomy last June…
He had two negative sperm samples – and was given the all clear…
I have been a very good girl, no bonking postmen…or chiropractors!
I had all the signs that my period was coming…
But then it didn’t…
I am always regular…
My period is now ten days late…

But I can’t be… can I?
So it would be TOTALLY ridiculous, like totally mad to do a pregnancy test…
Right?
So I’m not going to…
Because I can’t be…
It’s just we manage to get pregnant by sneezing… well, nearly… we get pregnant when I’m not ovulating. We get pregnant on the one time that we don’t use contraception… so who’s to say that my husband’s sneaky little suckers and my greedy egg won’t trick all medical tests and continue to reproduce anyway?!
Is it all the birth books I’ve been reading (for work) the past few weeks?…
You see I would love to give birth again, of course I would…
But we don’t need any more children in our lives: energy-wise, sanity-wise, financially, creatively, environmentally…
So we made a conscious decision not to have anymore… hence the final step of a vasectomy…
Which really shook me, at just three months post partum… a deep sadness which my mind understands, but not my body…
But it was supposed to stop this endless thing of “I’m pregnant… again”, and our entire life is turned upside down…
And yet, I had a dream, when pregnant with my second, a very powerful dream of four sandcastles on the shore. They were my four babies…
I have been unable to shake it from my head…
But I can’t be…
So I’m not…
Right?

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